One of the biggest reasons that people often hover around a job search, wondering if they really need to make a change, is missing a sense of contribution in their role.

Here’s what it has sounded like to a few of my clients:

“What is important for me to do in this world before I go, and what are the strengths that I want to contribute toward that important thing?”

“I feel quite sad that I’m not realizing the potential I have. I’m wasting precious time on this earth with wasted energy that I could be contributing.”

“Now my pressure centers around the question of what am I doing with my life? What do I want to spend my time doing? This constant questioning of life’s big questions and feeling inadequate has me feeling overwhelmed and frozen.”

A lot of my work is (1) helping people make decisions they know they’ll be happy with and (2) helping people do what’s right for them in their careers. This can sound overly simplistic because there’s often much more at play than just what they get to decide.

The question we also need to ask is, who doesn’t get to be themselves at work? Who doesn’t get to make decisions that honor their values and preferences? Who has to abide by what society deems “professional” which is usually the values of white and Western employees?

One of my LEAST FAVORITE yet incredible persistent pressure that exists around our jobs is “I should have it figured out by now”. It’s outrageously sneaky because it seems so simple yet can cover all kinds of different pressures: comparing yourself to others, needing to have achieved something big, using an external definition of success, etc. The mean voice doesn’t even have to use any creativity, it just pushes this one button and knows that it’ll completely take you out. You’ll be in an existential crisis and downward spiral in no time!

One of the most common indicators that you’re struggling with your career is a lack of excitement about job prospects. You’re endlessly scrolling through LinkedIn or Indeed and feeling nothing about anything you see. The worst-case scenario is that you talk yourself out of applying to anything and the best-case scenario is that you’re applying for jobs you know you don’t want. Grim either way.

Several months ago I came across an article called The Riddle of the Well-Paying Pointless Job. It's such a smart look at workplace satisfaction and also supports my belief that it's ok to have a boring job if it works for you.

They start by talking about the incentives theory from 1976 - pay people more and motivation should naturally follow.

But! The problem they identify is that jobs are becoming more and more pointless:

"However, this incentive theory is being applied to spaces where the work is tedious, mind-numbing, and at best, manageable. Graeber calls these jobs “a form of paid employment that is so completely pointless, unnecessary, or pernicious that even the employee cannot justify its existence even though, as part of the conditions of employment, the employee feels obliged to pretend that this is not the case.”

So much of my work is helping relieve the pressure we place on ourselves and our jobs, and one idea that instills all kinds of pressure is “a calling”. I automatically feel daunted, overwhelmed, defeated, confused and a host of other emotions if I think too much about what it means to find a calling.

Over the weekend I finished the book, Playing Big, by Tara Mohr (a wonderful recommendation from a past client) and learned a completely different way to think about a calling.

“A calling, as we’ll define it in this chapter, is a longing to address a particular need or problem in the world. Callings are about making a contribution for the good, about in some way bringing more light and love into the world. They are a path through which we can respond to the lack and brokenness we see before us.”

I’m on a mission to end the job search that is draining, soulless, expectations-driven, and painful.

I remember the first time a client asked if I tell people who are thinking of working with me that I make the job search fun. It was such a revelation to her that it could be something other than drudgery. It’s not that I make the process artificially fun by candy-coating the existing process, but I help people fundamentally change the nature of the search and the interview experience.

Here’s how I would describe the current nature of the job search and interview process.

Many of my clients aren’t having the impact they want to in their work and it causes them a lot of stress and anxiety. Part of the challenge is that they don’t know how to define impact for themselves so they’re using external definitions of success that feel out of alignment with what they truly want.

What ends up making a difference is identifying their values and creating the definition of impact that works for them. That’s where they experience freedom, self-expression, and authenticity.

The same can be said for the impact we can create with our money. I was really taken by the idea in “The Soul of Money” by Lynne Twist that when we align the acquisition and allocation of our financial resources with our most deeply held values, we experience a lot more satisfaction, meaning, and fulfillment. Just like impact at work, when it’s not clearly defined we’re distracted by shiny things, we overanalyze, we get stuck in analysis paralysis and we’re underwhelmed with our impact.

I promise clients deeply un-sexy results.

(Wait, what?)

In a world full of dream jobs, ‘quit and do your passion’, and unicorns, etc, I am promising none of that.

What I help clients achieve is incredibly life-changing and yet it looks so mundane to the outside viewer.

And you know why that is? It has nothing to do with them. But it has everything to do with what is actually important to you.

Are you ready to experience just how deeply un-sexy the results are?

My clients are often embarrassed to show up at my doorstep to request coaching support. There’s some form of “I should have been able to figure this out on my own,” that slips into the conversation. Asking for support often seems to them as a pride issue and they see it as a failure.

Should we be able to figure it out ourselves? What evidence do you have that you should be able to figure it out solo? Because everyone else has it all figured out and didn’t need any help getting there?

It always makes me think of elite athletes. Would we ever look at Serena Williams or Roger Federer and say “eesh, how awkward that they really couldn’t figure it out themselves”? Do we look down on them and see their coach as proof that they couldn’t become a champion on their own? Never.

I’m always looking for resources to support my clients and I’ve recently come across a new kind of company that helps individuals negotiate job offers. These companies aim to correct the imbalance of power between the company (that has a huge amount of negotiation experience) and the individual in a negotiation.

They provide some combination of tactical advice, personalized script templates, and market data and I’ve highlighted a few of the relevant pieces for each company.

If you're carrying around shame or embarrassment from a layoff or a termination, you're not alone. Many of my current clients have recently experienced a layoff or termination and it takes a huge toll.

Not only can a layoff or termination be a huge ego and confidence hit, but your then gremlins show up and have a field day. They add to the pain by making you feel all kinds of bad and wrong about the situation. And usually they tend to prescribe a daily dose of self-criticism.

A recent client described it this way:

“I was feeling very unmotivated and pessimistic in my job search, finding myself procrastinating while searching for jobs and indifferent to the few jobs to which I did apply. Even though, logically, I know that being laid off was something out of my control, I still was devoting a lot of energy to just surviving and fighting the negative beliefs that perhaps I had not done good work or perhaps I could have done something to save my job.”

When I talk to clients about their job search or about cultivating development opportunities at their current job, I ask them what pressures they feel about their career. Here are some of the most recent answers:

• I feel so behind and so much pressure to keep up and be the best.

• My job has to be impressive and prove to people that I am smart/worthwhile.

• I should be farther ahead in my career given my age.

• I have to be constantly advancing in my career. Each role should be more impressive and senior.

• I need to have it all figured out.

• My job has to be “cool” and shiny.

• Keep a good job that you think is Okay. Most people don’t really like their jobs.

I am grateful to the educators that put on the town hall around reimagining small business - Ericka Hines, Rachel Rodgers, and Susan Hyatt. The town hall was to “listen, learn and commit to building equitable, anti-racist organizations” and you can watch the 2hr event here.

I have taken the anti-racist small business pledge and commit to building an equitable, anti-racist organization.

There are 5 parts to the pledge…

I’ve just started a brand new offering, a 90-minute Career Clarity Deep-Dive, and I am loving getting to work with people in a one-off capacity. This post is going to share some of the insights I’ve found so far and how much you can achieve in a 90-minute coaching session.

With everyone I talk to, here are 3 common experiences that are creating lots of stress:

1. “If I say this is what I want in a job, and then I get it, will I actually be satisfied?”

2. “I’m saying what I think I should say/what people want to hear and looking for the logical next step.”

3. “I have no idea where to start.”…

One of my clients landed a job with a textbook implementation of what I teach. I almost fell out of my chair with pride at how this went down:

• Someone reached out on Linkedin about a job and my client decided to be open to a conversation even though he wouldn't have previously (check!)

• He went through a chat and an interview, learned about the job, and then shared that though he appreciated the opportunity, it wasn't a good fit for X reasons and what he was actually looking for was Y (check!)

• They said, oh wait, that makes total sense and we can actually move things around and create that role for you (!!) and also give you the title bump that you said would make a difference to you (check!)

And that was that…

I had a profound realization last week that all of my work can be summed up by two simple things.

Here’s what I do all day every day:

1. Give people permission to do what they want and what works for them.

2. Help people shift their attitude from beating themselves up about things they perceive as negative to seeing them as strengths and unique value.

That’s it really. Rinse and repeat.

There are two words that potential clients share with me over and over again that I’m getting very tired of hearing.

Those two words are “it’s fine”.

AKA, the international sign for “it’s not fine”.

I get to hear the most intimate challenges that people experience and all the ways that their life is not working for them:

• They haven’t made social plans in 2 years in case work needs them

• They’re unable to be emotionally present with their family and sacrifice time with their spouse and children

• They can’t sleep

• They find themselves constantly crying in yoga

• They only take options that look good externally even though it causes them intense anxiety

• They’ve been coasting or spinning their wheels for decades

But in the end there’s something that takes over them and glosses over everything that they’ve just shared. You know what, “it’s fine” they say.

Hold on a minute, is that fine?!?

I finished reading a book called The Prosperous Coach last week and I can't get Appendix 5 out of my head. It's called "The NO game" and it's breaking my mind in the best way.

We're afraid of making requests and getting rejected in all kinds of areas of life and work. We apply for a job and never hear back. We reach out to a past colleague asking to catch up and they never reply. We reach out to a colleague and ask if we can grab lunch with them and they don't write back. We start psyching ourselves out of making requests because of the fear of the NO.

Back to Appendix 5, the author loves to give his clients an assignment during the course of working with them:

"Your mission - if you choose to accept it - is to see how many no's you can collect in the next seven days. How many people can you get to say no to you in the next week?"

Enter... The Game of NOs.

Hiring a coach is a big step. They can give you incredible support, perspective, and accountability for your career. It can also be really daunting to find the right person for your particular needs. 

I’ve hired several coaches over the years and encountered many different types of career coaches and here’s how I would approach finding a career coach that’s a good fit for you.